the roommate and i were talking today about dresses for new years. she brings up the fact that a store sent out ads that mentioned a sale on their “social dresses.” funny. i didn’t know dresses could be “socialized.” then i asked if there were “social” and “anti-social” dresses. i told her that she could buy a “social” dress, and i would buy the “anti-social” one. i would wear it when i am at home alone, eating ice cream, crying, mascara smears running own my face, singing along to “all by myself” by celine dion, clutching a picture of tony danza. (why tony? eh, he was the first that came to mind.)
as for the other dresses that have titles? let’s see:
cocktail dresses. can only be worn while drinking and making the regretable decision to sleep with a middle-aged man with a horrible receding hairline that owns his own yacht.
babydoll dresses. can only be worn by baby spice from the spice girls. everyone else is going to look like a pregnant asswipe from the late 1990s.
evening dresses. cannot see the light of day. just like vampires.
casual dresses. can be worn on a date that implies, “yeah, we can get it on, but i don’t want to give you my real last name.”
