www.reneecarol.com

theoretically speaking, of course.

so, renee was let go/fired/given the old boot from one of her jobs last night. why? well, let me fill you in. renee is a stubborn and bull headed individual. she stands up for herself and her creativity. the old boss and i had two opposing view points on something, and, well, he being the boss, had the upper hand in the situation and let me go. that’s fine. i knew exactly what the consequences were if i didn’t remove something from my website. i stood my ground, he stood his, and the rest is history. it all boils down to my creative writing coming around to bite me in the ass. this isn’t the first time i have been stubborn about something and it’s bitten me in the ass, and it probably won’t be the last. but, that’s who i am. there aren’t any hard feelings about anything, and i appreciate the messages i have received so far about the situation. no one should worry their pretty little head. reneecarol.com is going to continue to lower IQs across america, and piss people off…well, not directly, but i know this website won’t sit well with everyone…mainly those people with taste…i’m sure they find my writings appalling. like i’ve said before, this wesbsite is not intended for mature audiences.

hey, don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. it’s a good motto to live by.

i love negotiating. let’s do this. (get it? the movie, the negotiator? uh, bad reference, i know.)

when approached to remove things from my website, i may get a little defensive. i am too damn stubborn for that. i will, however, negotiate. let’s talk it out. i will revise some things to avoid the drama, but as for removing something completely, i shall refer you to my 9/20/08 posting. i blog about everything. deal with it. as long as i don’t mention names…which i do not, unless given permission, i won’t spoil your valued reputation.

people need to understand that writing is what i do. i am not good at many things. writing isn’t even one of them, but i love doing it. please don’t knock my creativity just because it doesn’t jive with your style. as previously mentioned, if i write about something on here, you can guarantee i won’t name names, but if you aren’t happy with what i am posting, don’t read my entries. don’t get me wrong, i am flattered that you checked out my website in the first place. but if you’ve got beef, leave it for the grill. (that doesn’t even make sense, but let’s go with it.) if you are dissatisfied with what you’ve read on here, stop visiting my page. who knows, reneecarol.com may not be the only website that is anonymously knocking your shit. but if you don’t know about it, it’s not going to kill you…agreed? just because someone may have tipped you off about my site, or you were checking out my brilliance out of sheer curiosity, why should it bother you if i don’t directly reference you? once again, i am flattered that you checked me out and i pissed you off. now i know for sure that there are more people checking out my page other than my grandmother. yeah, that’s right. this website is so hot, even my grandma is hittin’ that shit.

so, as for the bottom line…read my thoughts, get bent, and then get over it. and put a sock in it. i will not delete my creativity over something so minuscule. i will revise some things, but at my own discretion. read at your own risk…no one said this was website was going to be an easy pill to swallow. in the famous words of abraham lincoln, “you can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. nicely put. but i like renee’s version, “you can please all of the people some of the time, or you can piss everyone off at the same time so they pour sugar in your gas tank.” i should have been a poet…and the nation’s sixteenth president.

the penny vs. snakes on a mother fuckin’ plane. both badasses. both going down in history.

i am a bitch. straight up. but, i am also one of the funniest/nicest bitches around. last night, someone would not leave me alone. after ignoring this annoyance, he would still not leave me alone. i really did try to ignore him, but come on guys, that only lasts so long. so here is where the hilarity ensues. highlights from last night:

drunk guy: hey, honey? (ugh, don’t call me honey. call me cuntrag…anything but honey.)

me: what do you want?

dg: when can i have another beer?

me: at eleven.

dg: it’s 10:45.

me: great. it’s still not eleven. let’s practice some self control.

dg: i’m not even drunk.

me: really? let’s witness exhibit A. (i get his credit card receipt and show it to him.)

dg: what? i have bad hand writing.

me: it’s not the kindergartner on meth handwriting that i’m concerned with. you didn’t even sign your name in the right spot.

dg: oh.

me: so, i think you need to chill.

dg: so, how about that beer?

me: dude. you are like something that’s really annoying that won’t go away. you, my friend, are like a herpes infection.

(the guy looks at me with a blank look.)

me: yeah, i said it.

later in the evening, he thinks he is something fierce and decides to ask me to party with him sometime. i decline. he asks, “what, do you have a boyfriend?” umm, no. i, instead, tell him that i am married. his response: “oh, wow, that sucks. well, you’re still hot, anyway.” oh. thanks. because if i was married, that would for sure knock me down a few pegs on the physically appealing scale. dumbass.

bathroom stall literature is always a hit in my book. not only does it give me something to read while my bladder empties itself, but it keeps me up on all the good gossip, as well. for instance, this one stall i was in was full of good, redneck information. while urinating, i learn that gary has a small dick. great. i don’t know who gary is, but the next time i come across a guy named gary, i will automatically think back to the literature about him in the bathroom stall. as my eyes venture around the stall some more, i see a continuation on gary. not only does he have a small dick, he’s dirty, too. ahh, gary. the small, dirty dick man. good to know. (there was a last name mentioned in the stall, but for privacy’s sake, i am not going to mention it on my website. if anyone is going to gain popularity on here, it better be me…not “gary,” the small, dirty dick man.) i also learn that erik (last name also deleted) has herpes. wait, if this guy is cool enough to spell his name with a “k” at the end, he should be too cool for herpes. but i guess not. amongst the other random “i love so and sos…” i notice yet another angry scribble, “dale has STDs.” good to know, as well. i will not be going on any dates with someone named dale. “sorry, dale, but the bathroom stall told me this isn’t going to work out between us.”

i guess when you look at it, the bathroom stall is the best place to rant and rave and have your voice be heard. a million drunk chicks are going to either sympathize with you while they are puking and holding their hair back, or they will be thanking you for the words of advice. i know that if something devastating happens to me, i will surely enscribe it on the bathroom wall. you bet your ass if i contract the clap from some dirt bag, i am going to tell that bathroom stall…and that bathroom stall will tell the world.

but on another related note, i think someone should write something useful on the bathroom wall, something educational. maybe put up a multiplication table, or recite some shakespeare. if i am going to be reading something while hovering over a toilet in a public place, i would appreciate it if it would enhance my intellect. name all of the u.s. presidents leading up to 1946, or explain to me in detail how to split an atom. education is the key to a brighter future. let’s start spreading it across every bathroom stall in america. presidents can’t even come up with better education programs than this. that’s it…i am running for president in 2012.

(note: this is not the same stall that i peed in…but this one does look like it contains a lot of useless and entertaining information.)