before i get started, may i just point out the “caring for your unscheduled illnesses and injuries.”
may i ask who schedules an injury? i suppose if i were to go and jump head-first in to a venomous snake pit, i might have a scheduled injury. other than that, i doubt people pencil injuries in to their busy everyday schedules.
well, on sunday i happened to have an unscheduled injury. stepping on a rusty thumbtack was definitely NOT penciled in to my drinking/sun bathing schedule.
after having stepped on said thumbtack and declining to go to urgent care that night, my friend washed off my foot, elevated it on a pillow, and we ordered pizza. tetanus was no match for Papa Johns. pizza usually trumps everything, especially when there’s beer involved.
however, waking up monday morning with an enormous amount of pain in my left foot and still thinking that my last tetanus shot was when i was five-years-old, i figured i might as well succumb to the fear of tetanus and take myself to urgent care.
i phoned my first urgent care choice.
“hi, do you offer tetanus shots?” i asked the receptionist.
“we do, but i am so sorry, we are all out of them,” she answered.
i hung up. wow. there must be a mass abundance of people stepping on sharp, rusty objects in this town. crazy.
i phoned my second urgent care choice. this location actually had the remedy in stock, so i left my house and prepared myself for penetration.
once i got there, i was told there would be about an hour-and-a-half wait. not good. i needed to be to work in two hours and i still had to shower.
hmm. i thought this was urgent care. and what are all of these little hispanic children doing, running around this joint like a mcdonald’s playplace? have you children heard of a playground? have you injured yourself? because the way you are running around like a baboon on cocaine, it doesn’t seem like you should be hanging out at the urgent care facility on a monday morning. if you are not bleeding from the anus, or have not stepped on a rusty thumbtack within the last eighteen hours, please gather your napping (passed-out-drunk?) parents and retreat to your 1995 ford mustang that awaits in the parking lot with tinted windows and chrome hubcaps.
well, time passed, the children played in the waiting room, and i had to leave for work. i approached the front desk.
“i am really sorry to be wasting your time, but i have to go. i need to be to work pretty soon. i mean, is tetanus really that bad?” i asked the front desk guy.
“oh, i don’t think tetanus is too bad,” (yes, he really said this) “you should be okay, i guess.”
“i mean, is there a certain amount of time that i can wait before having the shot and i won’t die? i just really have to be at work.”
“you should get the shot within 48 hours,” mr. genius-tetanus-isn’t-too-bad-guy said.
“okay, cool, i’ve got some time, then,” i said as i walked out.
i got to work on time and didn’t wake up with lock-jaw on tuesday morning. it was a win-win sitaution for me. thus far.