but yet, it still does nothing for me.
after becoming extremely frustrated today over my current employment situation, i thought i would look at what jobs are out there for a regular, run-of-the-mill smart ass, such as myself.
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER
perks: i get to be a kid all day, i would have a classroom aide, and i’m pretty sure there’s nap time.
downfalls: i will be surrounded by children all day, with their precious, un-warped minds at my disposal. i think this might be unsettling for some folks that own offspring. and the application mentioned nothing about a criminal background check or drug test. where is this place? oh, south tucson. ’nuff said.
DANCE TEACHER
perks: i can probably get drunk and still go to work. i’m a better dancer that way, anyway.
downfalls: i don’t think “watches so you think you can dance and america’s best dance crew” look that credible on a resume.
CAMPUS POLICE OFFICER
perks: i can raid students for their narcotics stash.
downfalls: no one would take me seriously in uniform. they’d probably think i was the hired stripper for the dorm room party.
PUBLIC SAFETY DISPATCHER
perks: this is an unsupervised position. definitely the kind i like.
downfalls: i probably wouldn’t give a shit about your dilemma. i’ve got my own, dude.
UROLOGY MEDICAL ASSISTANT
perks: i really can’t think of any.
downfalls: just about everything. install catheters?!? measure bladder retention? can’t we just make educated guesses?!?
SLEEP TECH TO PERFORM SLEEP STUDIES ON PRISON INMATES
perks: i could get free prison tattoos and learn how to shank someone…finally!
downfalls: all of the bad things that (heterosexual) sex-less inmates could do to my lady bits. and i hear the prison food is terrible…lunch time would be a disaster.
NAIL TECH
perks: i could probably get high on nail polish fumes.
downfalls: i’m not asian. thanks a lot, mom and dad.
TOW TRUCK DRIVER
perks: i am guessing the dress code consists of an awesome trucker hat and a budweiser cut-off t-shirt.
downfalls: i’d have to pick up my chewing tobacco habit again.
TEMPORARY WRITER
perks: stringing together words to form sentences happens to be my specialty.
downfalls: nobody said i was good at it.